Frustration!

You seemed worthwhile in the beginning, but slowly you got obsessed

Now, so many years later, you’re drunk texting me

But, you had your chance and didn’t act

So why now with your family in tact,

Do you want to say you love me?

Why tell me that you miss me?

You made your choice all those years back

So accept the consequences.

My heart’s moved on to new pursuits

My dreams deleted you.

Once, for a moment, years in the past

I saw a life with you.

You refused to take the leap

Refused my outstretched hand

So now that I’m well over it

Why try to turn back time?

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El Corazón Tonto

Cuando te vi por la primera vez
Mi corazón se saltó un latido
Claro que no te sentiste la misma
Y, acaso, tú nunca me viste en realidad

Cuando me diste tu atención
Fue solamente por razones físicas
Eras mi primero en muchas formas
Y quería que eras el único
Lo quería tanto que
Hice todo lo que podría

Me encantó la idea de estar contigo
Mejor que todas las cosas en la vida
La esperanza que un día estaríamos juntos
Me dio fuerza en esos momentos en que me sentía explotado.
En mi mente, estaba haciendo todo lo posible
Para asegurar mi sueño de tener una vida contigo

Confiaba en tus palabras cuando dijiste que
Estamos más, no sólo físicas
Confiaba en ti cuando dijiste que
Querías tener un chance de estar conmigo
Porque siempre quería solamente ti
Me paraba mi corazón de enamorarme con otros

Pero ahora mi corazón está perdido
Está tan confundido
Enredado y retorcido en dolor
Aunque sea la verdad
Todavía lo te quiere

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At the Limit

I am at my limit with your insensitivity!

I don’t think my heart can break anymore,

The strain you place on me is more than I can bare

I feel as though you only want to use me since there is no one else here

I do so much for you and all you do is throw shit in my face

You treat me like I don’t matter

And you wonder why I don’t love you

I cannot love you; you’re toxic and destroy all that you touch

Only those smart enough to string you along benefit from your good nature

Everyone else burns in your self-hatred.

You’re so filled with hate, it’s hard for you to actually love anything but money

That’s what you’re all about–dirty cash

Every suggestion I make, you yell at

You yell and hurl insults with no real reason, and

I cannot keep doing more for you than you are willing to do for me

I won’t let you use me; I won’t let you fool me.

I’ll play the game as long as I have to

But as soon as I don’t need to anymore,

I don’t even want to see your shadow.

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Leave It

I can’t understand why you just can’t let it go
What happened was so long ago
I made a mistake to let you into my heart
You kept making dates but never showed up
You kept saying you wanted to hang out
But never turned up
Left me in an unfamiliar place to make other plans
While you were with some other person.
So why, now, do you think that I care
What you feel or what you have to say?
Don’t tell me you have feelings but
You’re scared to tell me;
If you cannot be forthright, then keep your mouth shut
Keep shut also the door you walked away from
What you cannot say out of fear
Is of little consequence to me now,
So save your breath and walk away
‘Cause I absolutely do not care.

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Perpetually Passing

Within the boundaries of social construct, I cannot say that we can ever be

Your life is so different and distant from mine, and that, too, by your own design

Many happenstance moments, countless might-have-been thoughts

These all seem pointless in the wake of realization

We both know that it is not fated

Your journey and mine never intertwine long enough

And in the brief moments when they do,

We are never on the same page.

I never know where I stand; I don’t know that you care where you stand

One moment you’re there in a tangible way, next moment–poof!

You vanish along your way, as if nothing between us mattered

As though you’re indifferent, unmoved by our exchange

But we both know that the moments have to cease to matter

We both know that there is nothing beyond the moment to sustain it.

The moment is just that—a brief changing thing that ends as the eyes flutter,

Never to return and always overtaken by hours that do linger

The time spent with those who really do matter,

Sparing a nanosecond every now and then to consider that moment

The one that we shared.

 

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A thought occurred.

When you’re soaring, shining brightly on your own, they want to possess you, have you as their own, but when you’re struggling in moments of insecurity, feeling doomed and can’t see beyond your failures and short comings, they run. Where’s the bravness and support that was once promised? Was it only reserved for moments of happiness? If your care and concern is only lasting so long as your mate never wavers, then are you really in love or is it just a “phase that you’re going through,” and you’re so out of touch with your mind and desires that you can’t simply admit you never wanted anything really lasting? 

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Final Goodbye

I think of you and everything that we’ll never again get to do

No more tearing up dance floors, no more singing in the rain, no dancing down the avenues of life.

I’d always pictured you dancing at my wedding, always saw you playing with my children. I let our friendship suffer all these years, thinking that I’d have more time.

But time’s all spent, and you’re no more. I can’t see you ever again, can’t hold you, can’t introduce new people to you. Your loyalty, your honesty, your charisma, these all attracted good people to you. After losing touch with you, I was comforted that you’d made new friends. I was happy to see you being successful, so happy to see your happiness. 

I trusted that we’d someday reconnect, trusted that I’d get to say my apologies. And now, I only hope that I did still matter to you, that though we were not on good terms, you still thought of me. I’ll never get to make up with you, and never get to be your best friend again, but I hope you knew I loved you. You were like a loving older brother who I always wanted near. I pray that your family and all who held you dear find comfort in the love you left with them and warmth in the wonderful memories you all shared. 

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