I open a new page to write to you,
But my thoughts are confused and all a jumble.
Where to start? How to explain the profound pain in my heart?
You are happy and I am happy for that,
But I wish you were happy with me.
Every man who gets close seems to fall in love with me,
But you, whom I have known so long, cannot say that to me.
You told me that you would never forget me as I was trying to forget you,
Giving my life as it had been a chance to work out. Yet despite all of my efforts,
You seemed branded in my mind. The eyes of my soul see only you as its mate.
This makes no sense since you seem so obviously not to reciprocate.
My feelings for you appears to have always been stronger.
My heart is perpetually breaking because it’s pining for you.
But I am conflicted since I feel like I can’t trust you.
I see a Don Juan type monster where I used to see charm.
Your Casanova ways make me feel like I’ve been duped,
Fooled into thinking that you actually cared,
Fooled into believing that we could actually do
That which we couldn’t when I had first wanted to.
These feelings for you make no sense
Since I also feel like I barely know you at times.
Yet overwhelming, in waves, they crash down on my heart,
Shattering the serenity that I worked hard to maintain,
Dissolving the stability obtained by suppression,
Suppression of you and all thoughts of your kisses.
Trying desperately to find a successor,
A successor who cannot succeed because
He discovers the unabdicated space that my stubborn heart won’t let you leave.