Upon Reflecting about Us



I open a new page to write to you,

But my thoughts are confused and all a jumble.

Where to start? How to explain the profound pain in my heart?

You are happy and I am happy for that,

But I wish you were happy with me.

Every man who gets close seems to fall in love with me,

But you, whom I have known so long, cannot say that to me.

You told me that you would never forget me as I was trying to forget you,

Giving my life as it had been a chance to work out. Yet despite all of my efforts,

You seemed branded in my mind. The eyes of my soul see only you as its mate.

This makes no sense since you seem so obviously not to reciprocate.

My feelings for you appears to have always been stronger.

My heart is perpetually breaking because it’s pining for you.

But I am conflicted since I feel like I can’t trust you.

I see a Don Juan type monster where I used to see charm.

Your Casanova ways make me feel like I’ve been duped,

Fooled into thinking that you actually cared,

Fooled into believing that we could actually do

That which we couldn’t when I had first wanted to.

These feelings for you make no sense

Since I also feel like I barely know you at times.

Yet overwhelming, in waves, they crash down on my heart,

Shattering the serenity that I worked hard to maintain,

Dissolving the stability obtained by suppression,

Suppression of you and all thoughts of your kisses.

Trying desperately to find a successor,

A successor who cannot succeed because

He discovers the unabdicated space that my stubborn heart won’t let you leave.


About FreeFlowingThoughts

All of the writing is original and some of the drawings are too. I do these as a form of stress relief and to share my work with others. मैं पल दो पल का शायर हूँ / पल दो पल मेरी कहानी है / पल दो पल मेरी हँसती है / पल दो पल मेरी जवानी है / मैं पल दो पल का शायर हूँ...मुझ से पहले कितने शायर आये और आकर चले गये / कुछ आहें भरकर लौट गये / कुछ नग़मे गाकर चले गये / वे भी एक पल का हिस्सा थे / मैं भी एक पल का हिस्सा हूँ / कल तुम से जुदा हो जाऊँगा तो आज तुम्हारा हिस्सा हूँ / मैं पल दो पल का शायर हूँ...कल और आयेंगे नग़मों की खिलती कलियाँ चुननेवाले / मुझ से बेहतर कहनेवाले / तुझ से बेहतर सुननेवाले / कल कोई मुझ को याद करे / क्यूँ कोई मुझ को याद करे? / मसरूफ़ ज़माना मेरे लिये क्यूँ वक्त अपना बरबाद करे? / मैं पल दो पल का शायर हूँ। (कभी कभी से १९७६) I am a poet for a moment or two/My story is for a moment or two/My laughter is for a moment or two/My youth is for a moment or two/I am a poet for a moment or two...Before me, many poets came and left/Some were burdened with sighs and returned from where they came/Some sang songs before leaving/They were part of a moment/I, too, am part of a moment/Tomorrow I may be separated from you/But today I am a part of you/I am a poet for a moment or two...Tomorrow more song will come like blooming flower buds to choose from/There may be better storytellers than me/There may be better listeners than you/Tomorrow someone may remember me/Why would anyone remember me?/Why would this busy world waste time for my sake?/I am (only) a poet for a moment or two. (From Kabhie Kabhie 1976) [Translation is not word-for-word.]
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