The betraying heart needs not a marker
Your precious self reveals itself to the careful observer
Your faltering feelings, the truth behind your actions is no longer veiled by adoration–
Bared, naked under the blazing sunlight of warm pre-monsoon days,
I see more clearly than before.
Here, removed from all familiarities, away from all dear to me, I see you for what you are: purposely hidden, always outside of reach by choice:
This condition, your choice, your hope, your way of holding in place a potential–a not fully determined potential, for your eyes, glossed over by indecision, lay transfixed on your present and not truly focused on your future,
Between yourself and me, there is hardly any difference: the most significant being perhaps that the object of our heart’s deepest desires is not the same person.
Mine is clearly you, but yours is not me.
There is another who holds your heart enthralled, and I have no desire to be second,
No desire to be the best choice because there isn’t any other available.
I don’t exist for fun only and no reward for my efforts.
I’m no longer able to live life that way,
As the years tick, tick, tick, passing hushedly, faith and hope fall into the wayside, the present you is important, the present me too.
Plans must be solidified before time runs out. You must be relegated to the tiny box as your surmounting uncertainty is undesirable to me. I must make my heart strong, so the wound inflicted by parting ways does not prevent me from living my life–
This time with you wholly absent, existing only as a flittering thought and no longer a lingering “what if.”
Your choice is made.
Now, I’ll make mine:
No more waiting, no more hope, no more what ifs.
Were it going to happen, it would have by now–
No more stalling, no more emotional voids or vacuums,
As once I did before, I will let go again.
This isn’t happening a second time. Thoughts of you and your memories no longer will pull my heart to you.
Now is time to turn into a stone like I always should have.
If you truly wanted me, nothing would stop you.
If I truly were your desire, nothing would keep you away.
Thus, I am none of these things:
There is for you no life with me, no children;
I am no more than fleeting satisfaction That can’t give you what you want because you’re convinced that your desires can’t be fulfilled here with me, so they won’t be, especially not by me.
- लग जा गले से फिर, वो कौन थी से (१९६४) [Lag Jaa Gale se Phir from Woh Kaun Thi? (1964)]
- तुझे प्यार करते है करते रहेंगे अप्रैल फ़ूल से (१९५४) Tujhe Pyaar Karte Hai Karte Rahenge from April Fool (1984)
- Whilst Across the Wilderness from You
- As You Left by Train
- Because You Keep Popping Up In Fantasy But We Don’t Reconnect In Reality
FreeFlowingThoughts on Something… embear123 on Something… Mohit Tiwari on चाहूगा मैं तुझे, दोस्ती से (१९… passionfortruths on जब जब बहार आयी–तक़दीर से… Brendon Providence on The Questioning
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