Heart’s Old Regrets, Gone?

Black N White NoseRing

I’m glad you’re happy
Glad you chose to cut ties
Glad that you did what I couldn’t
Glad your love for her is stronger than mine was for him
Glad you seem to have settled down
Glad to be broken free
Glad that you left like you always do:
Sans words, sans closure
Glad you showed your colors the way that you did
Glad to have seen the truth
Glad that what you instigated you never truly wanted
Glad that I left stability  ’cause the dream had fooled me
Glad to have failed so spectacularly
That I know never to err so grievously
Glad that I fell so that now I can see
The falsehoods for what they really were going to be
Talk is easy, actions are hard
I begged you earlier, but
Guess your ego just wasn’t ready
Guess you didn’t respect me enough back then
Guess I was too weak to cut you off
I’m glad that you’re strong enough to shut me out
My heart’s door has finally shut itself up too
There no longer looms your possibility
I’ll mourn the loss because I was foolish
At least I know now how to trust my instincts better
From the start, it was nothing
You never meant it to be
It was a game for your ego
A game you played with many
You got under my skin
Pushed my buttons, harmed me
All because I was always honest about my feelings for you
With the way you left it, the things I thought in the past,
Those things echo as painful truth right now
Why else would you leave and not say a proper goodbye
Unless I never meant anything to you all the while.

—But—

I don’t hate you for the pain I suffered
I don’t hate you for my weaknesses
I thank you for teaching me to be better
Better to the man who chooses me
Rather than live in a dream that won’t ever be:
Clever words you spun,
Vulnerable emotions manipulated
My heart’s pain is deep and grave
But I know I am the one to blame
I made the choice to let you get near
I left the pathway unchained.
With my own hands, I embraced you
Though I knew that it was never to be
I was completely taken, so I never checked up
Never looked to see if you were telling the truth
What you did was awful
Leading me on while you built a relationship with another.
I asked you repeatedly to tell me the truth
You never once mentioned that there was someone in your life
Yet, you encouraged me to forge ahead
Thinking foolishly that you’d likely be there in the end.

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About FreeFlowingThoughts

All of the writing is original and some of the drawings are too. I do these as a form of stress relief and to share my work with others. मैं पल दो पल का शायर हूँ / पल दो पल मेरी कहानी है / पल दो पल मेरी हँसती है / पल दो पल मेरी जवानी है / मैं पल दो पल का शायर हूँ...मुझ से पहले कितने शायर आये और आकर चले गये / कुछ आहें भरकर लौट गये / कुछ नग़मे गाकर चले गये / वे भी एक पल का हिस्सा थे / मैं भी एक पल का हिस्सा हूँ / कल तुम से जुदा हो जाऊँगा तो आज तुम्हारा हिस्सा हूँ / मैं पल दो पल का शायर हूँ...कल और आयेंगे नग़मों की खिलती कलियाँ चुननेवाले / मुझ से बेहतर कहनेवाले / तुझ से बेहतर सुननेवाले / कल कोई मुझ को याद करे / क्यूँ कोई मुझ को याद करे? / मसरूफ़ ज़माना मेरे लिये क्यूँ वक्त अपना बरबाद करे? / मैं पल दो पल का शायर हूँ। (कभी कभी से १९७६) I am a poet for a moment or two/My story is for a moment or two/My laughter is for a moment or two/My youth is for a moment or two/I am a poet for a moment or two...Before me, many poets came and left/Some were burdened with sighs and returned from where they came/Some sang songs before leaving/They were part of a moment/I, too, am part of a moment/Tomorrow I may be separated from you/But today I am a part of you/I am a poet for a moment or two...Tomorrow more song will come like blooming flower buds to choose from/There may be better storytellers than me/There may be better listeners than you/Tomorrow someone may remember me/Why would anyone remember me?/Why would this busy world waste time for my sake?/I am (only) a poet for a moment or two. (From Kabhie Kabhie 1976) [Translation is not word-for-word.]
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