How do I say that I miss you without sounding like I want you? A part of me thought we could really be just friends. There’s so much about you that’s similar to me and my greatest fear about you has always been that emotionally you’re exactly like me: there’s someone in your heart whom you have undefined feelings for and all you really want is a chance to clear that up (the only difference is that for me that person is you, for you it’s someone else). But though romantic interests between us may vary, I wanted us to be friends still. I value you a whole lot since I’ve known you so long. As far as initimacy goes, you’ve known me longer than anyone else. You pop up in my dreams a lot even when you’re not on my waking mind. More than anyone else I’ve ever thought I loved, you have consistently been in my life. Yet, while feelings for those others have been resolved and we’ve moved on from each other, I find that you and I have not. Sure you’ve told me that you don’t see us being together because I would not engage in one of your fantasies (which apparently must include me), but since that time you’ve still reached out to me when you thought I needed you. You still seem to care. You still seem to want me in some sort of way, a way that’s not just friendly. Or perhaps I’m reading more into what’s just not there. Maybe for you the whole thing’s resolved, and I’m the one with the issue. I’m the one who wants more than just isolated exchanges. In truth, I know that we can’t be friends like I am with other people, for until my heart no longer skips a beat when I see you, I will always want to love you.
That’s the place I find myself in, the place I actively try to ignore, the place that sometimes cripples me, but sometimes drives me onwards. I want to always know that you are proud of the woman I am. And, I want you to know, you’re still the guy I dream of even after all these years. You’re still the star I shoot for, the one who gets me going. You’re not currently in the realm of possibilites because I’m currently not pursuing you, but there’s still a space in my heart where you’re the undisputed King.