Final Goodbye

I think of you and everything that we’ll never again get to do

No more tearing up dance floors, no more singing in the rain, no dancing down the avenues of life.

I’d always pictured you dancing at my wedding, always saw you playing with my children. I let our friendship suffer all these years, thinking that I’d have more time.

But time’s all spent, and you’re no more. I can’t see you ever again, can’t hold you, can’t introduce new people to you. Your loyalty, your honesty, your charisma, these all attracted good people to you. After losing touch with you, I was comforted that you’d made new friends. I was happy to see you being successful, so happy to see your happiness. 

I trusted that we’d someday reconnect, trusted that I’d get to say my apologies. And now, I only hope that I did still matter to you, that though we were not on good terms, you still thought of me. I’ll never get to make up with you, and never get to be your best friend again, but I hope you knew I loved you. You were like a loving older brother who I always wanted near. I pray that your family and all who held you dear find comfort in the love you left with them and warmth in the wonderful memories you all shared. 

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Something…

We set forth with hopeful eyes, passionate heart, and open mind. We came back defeated. Hope crushed. Passion gone. Mind’s still open but not as free. Empty, empty–nothing anywhere. Where to turn. What to do. Is courage going to see me through? I feel abandoned even though they’re still here.

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Content Remembrance

Woke up with you in mind,
As rain drops play music
On the windows here,
Such soothing salve to broken heart;
A comforting sentiment takes me,
As if you’re here again
Like that night you came
With gentle kisses and warm embrace–
Half way round the world,
And now you’re near, but we’re apart
Now you’re back, but can’t be here
So thoughts of laughs and romantic gaze
Fill my heart with contented grace.

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It’s Over

cannot trust your word anymore

I cannot take more lies

I feel as though I’m crazy

But my instincts never lie

I know there’s things you’ve hidden

I know you’re not being 100

Every rule you have there’s an exception

Conveniently meant for one person

Your exception betrays your heart

And that’s the reason we should part.

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एहसान तेरा होगा मुझ पर–जंगली से (१९६१)

एहसान तेरा होगा मुझ पर         Allow me this favor
दिल चाहता है वो कहने दो        Whatever my heart wants to say, let it say
मुझे तम से मोहब्बत हो गयी है    I have fallen in love with you
मुझे पलकों की छाँव में रहने दो   Let me stay in the shadow of your eyelids

एहसान तेरा होगा मुझ पर          Allow me this favor
दिल चाहता है वो कहने दो         Whatever my heart wants to say, let it say
मुझे तम से मोहब्बत हो गयी है    I have fallen in love with you
मुझे पलकों की छाँव में रहने दो   Let me stay in the shadow of your eyelids

तुम ने मुझको हँसना सिखाया     You taught me to laugh
तुम ने मुझको हँसना सिखाया     You taught me to laugh
रोने कहोगी रो लेंगे अब             Now, if you say cry, I will cry (for you)
रोने कहोगी रो लेंगे अब             Now, if you say cry, I will cry (for you)
आँसू का हमारे ग़म न करो          Don’t be sad about my tears
वो बहते हैं तो बहने दो              They are flowing, so let them flow
मुझे तम से मोहब्बत हो गयी है    I have fallen in love with you
मुझे पलकों की छाँव में रहने दो   Let me stay in the shadow of your eyelids
एहसान तेरा होगा मुझ पर          Allow me this favor

चाहे बना दो चाहे मिटा दो           Make (me) or break (me) as you wish
चाहे बना दो चाहे मिटा दो           Make (me) or break (me) as you wish
मर भी गये तो देंगे दूआएँ             (For) even dead, I will give blessings (to you)
मर भी गये तो देंगे दूआएँ             (For) even dead, I will give blessings (to you)
उड़ उड़ के कहेगी खाक सनम       My love, (my) ashes flying all around would say,
यह दर्द-ए-मोहब्बत सहने दो      “Endure this pain of love.”
मुझे तम से मोहब्बत हो गयी है     I have fallen in love with you
मुझे पलकों की छाँव में रहने दो    Let me stay in the shadow of your eyelids
एहसान तेरा होगा मुझ पर           Allow me this favor
दिल चाहता है वो कहने दो          Whatever my heart wants to say, let it say
मुझे तम से मोहब्बत हो गयी है     I have fallen in love with you
मुझे पलकों की छाँव में रहने दो    Let me stay in the shadow of your eyelids
एहसान तेरा होगा मुझ पर           Allow me this favor

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Any City, Anywhere. 2016–A shitty, shitty year.

Snow falls outside the window of the penthouse suite

Not a voice can be heard over the droning of cars and buses going by

Then, suddenly a flash–it lights up the grey sky

SCREAMS, piercing through the fog

Awakened by the ringing in my ears

I see the snow I dreamt of was really falling ashes

Another airstrike,

Another day

The world watches on

In abject banality 

The forgotten people, the terrorized town

Children laid waste with no where to turn

Obliterated hospitals and slain doctors all around

They did it on purpose

They crippled the town

They mangled the infrastructure so they could burn it all down

They ruined the country

They killed all who could help

Yet the world looks on in abject banality

Life moves on as this place slowly dies

Ashen faces, stained by the ruins

The houses are gone, my penthouse is too

The once thriving land is nothing but ash

The people are waiting–the next strike is neigh

The tension’s so high and no food can be found

Babies not born because mothers are dying

Babies left to die because fathers are gone

Young people dropping, losing their limbs

The bombing doesn’t stop

Yet, the world drones on

Banality increases as I lay and wonder:

Is this the day my life will leave me?

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Thought…

Happiness lies in the solitude of self-company, in being free to follow the whims of your inner desires and to fulfill your life goals while being at ease and content with yourself, your inner nature, and your actions. 

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